Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In other news, I just burned my penis
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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