i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
