I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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