just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my liver is dry heaving
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
