Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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