i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
