On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's just like the Real World with babies
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
