What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's paint friendship bongs
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
