I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize