your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
