I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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