Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
