Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pants are for mortals
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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