i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
