we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
being pregnant is like rehab
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
