A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
