I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
