I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think i got beer on your cat.
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