I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
