i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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