she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
