Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We're too hungover to prance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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