Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize