I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
