WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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