He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
