you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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