there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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