Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
