I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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