week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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