Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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