I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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