my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize