We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
