My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
