Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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