that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
