Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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