I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
