Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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