; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
