I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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