He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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