I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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