i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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