I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
