..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
