my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
