I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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