u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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