Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He better not be in your backpack
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
