Jerry, you need to find god
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
