im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
