yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
