Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
