im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
