Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
