today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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