just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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