i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
