i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
