this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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