Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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