literally had 100 drinks last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
